It's Okay, It's Okay
by xiangli
Summary: In which Connie's a stupid liar clown, according to Sasha.


**Based on PIERROT by KEI. The link goes to Koma'n's piano version, which I personally like better.**

**This is in Connie's POV.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_It's okay, it's okay.  
__The show will start soon,  
__So take your seats, and watch as I,  
__a nameless clown in this small circus,  
__make you laugh._

* * *

The job of a clown is to make people laugh. Primarily by doing stupid things, such as falling down on purpose. Messing up an act on purpose. Doing something dumb on purpose.

On purpose.

I've always liked seeing people smile and hearing people laugh, so I figured this job would be easy for me. I mean, I just had to learn how to juggle a few balls, right?

I, Connie Springer, am a klutz anyway. As long as people smiled and laughed, I'd be happy too.

The circus I was in arrived in Ragako at last, and people started putting up the different tents. The tent that the clowns were in were always set up last, so I took a few of my props and ran off to practice for a while.

I found a quiet area, flat enough for me to practice my balancing skills. So I put on my mask, the pale one with the wide, red smile, and jumped on top of the blue ball.

This was easy, after months, years of practice. Walking around, spinning in circles. I just didn't expect to find someone on the other side of the tree.

"Whoa-?!"

The ball rolled away from under my feet, and I found myself landing on the grass with a thump. As if that wasn't enough, the ball bounced on me and away.

I looked up, expecting laughter, but there was none. Just a girl, about my age, looking concerned.

She wore her long brown hair in a high ponytail, her large eyes on the verge of tears.

"I, uh, I'm so sorry! Are you hurt at all?" she asked, in such a panicked way.

I jumped up, brushing off my knees. "It's okay, it's okay! I'm a clown, can't you see?" I replied, pointing at my mask. "I'm smiling, so I'm happy."

She visibly relaxed, but gave me a skeptical look. "That's a mask that's smiling."

"Don't worry about me, it's really okay," I assured her. "But if you're really that willing to help..." I tried to make myself look brighter. "Come see the circus tonight!"

"Eh? Is that really enough?"

"Yeah!" I wanted to see her again, anyway.

"Okay, I'll go. Um, I'm Sasha, what's your name?"

Sasha. That seemed fitting.

"I'm Connie."

She smiled brightly. "I'll see you then."

* * *

We saw each other again earlier than expected, when I was out in the town square advertising the show.

I was doing some stupid tricks, like clowns do. Juggling some colored balls - I could do that with my eyes closed. I saw some children gathering around to watch as the balls came up and came down.

Sasha came into town as well, clapping with the kids as I ran around, juggling almost mindlessly. I looked at her, watching her smile with amusement.

One of the kids must have heard their mom calling for them or something, because they ran across the square. I didn't really see them in time, so I tripped, landing facedown on the pavement.

I winced a little, but tried not to say anything. A soft sob came from the child who tripped me.

"I-I, I didn't mean to!"

With a mechanical motion, I jumped up, ignoring my throbbing head, and approached the kid. "Abracadabra!" I shouted for all to hear, and pulled out a bouquet of flowers.

The child's tears stopped, and they smiled.

Under the mask, so did I.

* * *

"It hurt, didn't it?"

I looked up, putting my mask back on in a hurry. Sasha had followed me into my tent, apparently.

"When you fell, you just got up as if it was nothing, but it hurt, didn't it?"

She stared at her feet. "And when you fell off the ball, too..."

I huffed, walking towards her and flicking her forehead. "It's okay, it's okay. It doesn't really hurt, believe me."

Please, just don't look at me like that.

"Sasha, I'm a clown. I fall down on purpose all the time, and people laugh. I'm used to it-?"

"Connie, that wasn't a show!"

I blinked. She was looking straight at me now, on the verge of tears.

"... Please, please don't cry," I said quietly. "I told you, it's okay. It doesn't hurt."

"You're lying," she said, her voice sharp. "You're lying, and that's why I'm sad."

I looked down, not saying anything.

"Connie, can you promise me something, please?"

I turned towards Sasha, still silent.

"After I see your show tonight, show me your real face... Don't be a clown, don't be a liar, just for a little while. With me."

I sighed. "Okay... okay, as long as you don't cry. I can't deal with people who cry."

She laughed a little. "That's fine. Good luck tonight, then."

* * *

And the show started. I did my job as usual - juggled, walked around on that blue ball, falling on purpose every so often, pretending to irritate the other members of the show.

Then the finale came.

"Now," the ringmaster announced, his strong voice bellowing through the tent. "This clown will cross the tightrope on a unicycle - without a net to catch him!"

The spotlight went to me, and I took a few deep breaths. This is another show. I've practiced this too.

I climbed to the top of the tent, the unicycle waiting for me at the top. Setting it on the tightrope, I began my way across.

Oohs and ahhs echoed from the bottom as I rolled across, pretending to slip every so often. It's a show, this happens every time.

Almost halfway across, and suddenly the unicycle lurched. I flailed, trying to find my balance again, but what balance is there to find when you're in the air, hurtling towards the ground -

* * *

"There was a tear in the rope, it couldn't support him -"

"Do you think he'll be all right, there wasn't a net after all -"

"Connie! Connie! Connie, please -"

I struggled to open my eyes.

I was in the medical tent, surrounded by other clowns trying to tend to me.

"Connie! Connie, can you hear me?!"

"Miss, you can't come in here, this is for people in the show only -"

"I don't care, let me see Connie!"

"... Sasha?" I groaned, my voice sounding gravelly and my head screaming. That voice was so recognizable, even though I had met her only hours before.

"See, he said my name, now let me in!" I heard some struggling, and Sasha hurried to my side.

"How are you feeling? Where does it hurt? I saw you fall, it was so frightening, I had no idea what to do -"

I forced a pained smile, lifted a trembling hand and tried to flick her forehead, but missed. "I'm a clown, remember?" I murmured. "I fall to make people laugh, so don't worry..."

"Connie! You liar, that wasn't an act!" she retorted.

"It's okay, it's okay -"

"It is _not_ okay!" she screamed, tears flowing down her cheeks.

"... Hey," I said quietly, trying to wipe her cheeks, but she moved away. "Didn't we make a promise...? You said you wouldn't cry."

"You're still a stupid liar clown," she shot back, but her voice wasn't strong enough to make it an insult.

"I can't argue against that," I said finally, resting my head back in my pillow.

Sasha sighed. "Don't smile like that, Connie."

"Sorry, I just -"

"It's okay, it's okay... Don't bother with smiling right now, stupid. Cry, you're in pain, it hurts, doesn't it?" she asked gently. "Just don't lie to me again."

I stared at her, then my lip started trembling on its own and I wept. Sasha moved towards me, giving me a bear-like hug.

"This is what you do when people cry."

"Miss, you have to go now, we think Connie's broken his back and he needs to stay still until the medics get here -"

"Let her stay," I said, my voice wavery.

"No, no, I should go -" She started to let go of me.

"Stay." I pulled her back into the hug.

It was silent for a while, except for the sound of the others leaving the tent.

"You stupid liar clown."

"I'm fine, I just want you to stay."

"You're not fine, you really have broken your back, haven't you?"

"It's okay, it's okay -"

"Stupid liar clown!"

I looked up at her sheepishly. "Sorry... It does hurt, but I'd rather have you here in my last moments than have to survive to do a million more shows. Isn't that what makes me a liar?"

"Oh my god, you really are stupid."

I just laughed, truly laughed.

"What? What did you just do, you stupid liar clown -"

"My name's Connie, remember?"

"Hey, your voice is getting softer... Connie! Connie, I'm going to go get someone, you can't die -"

I grabbed her hand. "Stay," I whispered, pleaded.

She gave me a panicked look, just like when we met.

I just pulled her into another hug, weaker this time, and murmured:

_"Abracadabra."_

And closed my eyes.

* * *

_It's okay, it's okay,_  
_You have helped me find my real face,_  
_The one I had forgotten for so long._

_It's okay, it's okay._  
_It was like a magic trick._  
_Look, the lying clown has disappeared._

* * *

**Sorry if there were any errors, this hasn't been beta'd or anything. It'd be cool if you left a review, feedback is great.**


End file.
